The epiphany came today, 4.5 years later. I have recently become comfortable in my own skin at work - finally feeling as though I know what I am doing (yes, just like many other women I second guess myself constantly). It is an exciting new development, but one of the consequences is that I now have more time to think. Dangerous, I know. Thinking about myself, and my future - what I want to do both inside and outside of work. We spent the better part of the spring attending dance recitals, musical productions, soccer matches and softball games. And as I sat on the sidelines watching my girls and their friends do amazing things I thought, "Jeeze I don't have hobbies or skills like this. What the Hell do I do well?" It had been an issue recently when I led a workshop at my place of employment and the ice breaker I chose to launch with was "Tell us something interesting about yourself that we may not already know." I struggled to come up with anything. My colleagues were full of accomplishments - singing in a quartet or competing in races; playing tennis or running philanthropies. The best I could come up with was that I relied heavily on my experience as a camp counselor to influence my daily interactions at work. Really? That's it? I felt so deflated. My own icebreaker had betrayed me!
So today it dawned on me: I am good at stuff, just nothing you can measure or necessarily put your finger on. I am good at connecting and helping people. I am good at mentoring people and encouraging them. I am good at taking care of my family and making sure they have everything they need. So hopefully you see where I am going with this.
It has occurred to me lately that many people my age get involved in things like road races, tennis, cycling, going to the gym, etc. Those are all things that can be measured and can give a person a great deal of satisfaction when completed. Check it off the list! I don't have stuff like that. And it was making me feel lost. But I realized that I am in a good place not needing to live by a set of
metrics that measure my performance and self worth. I am fortunate that I don't need that. But now, the challenge will be to understand how I can build confidence through my natural gifts. It's a good one for the second half of 2015...
